I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
