You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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