Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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