i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
