He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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