Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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