no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Randomize