You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
