My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
