I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
