Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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