Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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