just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
