My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
