The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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