you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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