I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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