Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
