she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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