so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
