i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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