I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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