You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
