Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
