I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
