Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
