If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
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