His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We're too hungover to prance.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
