So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
