Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
