a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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