hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
