At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
