wat bout pragnant strippers??
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
