I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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