i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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