How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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