Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
