Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
