Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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