I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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