I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
