Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Buhtt sex?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
