You smell like a Billy Joel song
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
