it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
