Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I deserve this hangover.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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