Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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