I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
