I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
