Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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