Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i think my cat just said my name.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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