Yo dont text me then not text me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
