Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
This is my gift to your gina
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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