man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize