is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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