So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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