So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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