my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
