And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
