I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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