kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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