Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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