Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
