we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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