We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
