My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize