first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
