we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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